A day of Realisations.

This isn't really a blogpost. This is more for me, because talking is difficult.

Today has not been a good day. Physically I am fine. Work is great. Life is good. Until two things dawned on me.

1. I don't have a "home" anymore.

I am a proud Durbanite. A very proud Durbanite. Although I don't want to move back, I think it's a wonderful place to grow up. My mom is moving out of the house I grew up in and I am so happy for her. The house is big, high-maintenance and has had a few break-ins and she deserves better. But, what does it mean to "go home" anymore? I know this is irrational. Home is not where the foundations are, at least not in the literal sense. Home is not my bedroom. Or the lounge. Or the kitchen I sat in learning how to cook from momma-bear herself. I know that home is where my family is, but somehow, it's not. I'll get over it. this was a minor realisation compared to number two...

2. It's Father's Day next month.

And I am terrified. I haven't spent a Father's Day with my dad in many years, but it's not being in the same space that's the point. It's having a father to call and tell him that he's amazing. To be able to say that he is the best dad that anyone could ask for. It's about having a father to celebrate. And for the first time I don't.

I'm not too sure how to deal with this. Celebrate his memory? I try do this every day. The 15th of June is not a milestone I'm looking forward to.