I recentlyish wrote a post called,
"How not to be an asshole blogger that everyone hates" - and quite a few of you felt that it was time that it was said. But now it is time to turn it around. You know what, some bloggers deserve to be taken seriously. Very seriously. Because blogging, whether you like it or not, is a serious profession.
HOW NOT TO BE AN ASSHOLE PR AGENCY THAT EVERYONE HATES
1. Dear Blogger.
Weird story, my name isn't blogger, media, press or guest! So, if you can't take the bloody time to write my bloody name, or GASP, get bloody database software to do it for you - then I seriously don't have the time to read your bloody email.
2. Hey, hey hey hey! I have a press release for you! Hey hey hey!!!
Well hello there, Sparky. Yes, I have seen your press release. All 539 of them that you've spammed me with in the last week. And yes, while they may "be ready for immediate release" - guess what, I don't wanna. And guess what else? You can't make me. So stop asking, and send some real content please, or everyone will hate you.
3. The "no-release" sulker.
The only thing worse than getting a million press releases is being questioned on why you don't post them. Seriously? Everyone hates you.
4. We had a party, you weren't invited.
"Hey there, last week we had the launch party of Very Fancy Brand, at Very Fancy Venue, and all these Very Fancy People were there. But we didn't invite you. However, please write about it!". I hate you.
5. Have this. Now write.
There isn't much more I love (pronounced: hate) more than snide emails about not reviewing a product that I've been sent. Unless previously discussed, how could it make any sense to think that sending a R20 bottle of wine would ensure a review? Really? Does that bottle go towards my rent? Will it pay the bills? No. Will it take up space where something else better, and more interesting could be? Yes. So no.
6. We promise it is great, we promise.
On the other hand, I've been sent reviews of products and asked to post them as if they were mine. All you're saying is that my opinion is obviously of no interest to you, and you really don't care about my integrity. I don't even have words to explain the hate.
7. Expo$ure.
"Hi there, we would like a review, blogpost, banner ads, tweets, and Facebook posts. We'll pay you in exposure on the brands page". LOL! LOLOLOLOL! When you start off, exposure is cool - it's a foot in the door. Don't ask someone who has been blogging for years to work that hard for exposure. Pah-lease.
8. Drink and Drive.
"We're having a big wine tasting party. We want you to come. However, it is really far away and you can't bring a partner to convince to be the designated driver and we aren't organising transport." There is so much wrong with this. Firstly, I don't have a big company to pay my petrol for me. I can't afford to cab all the way there. If you want me to taste everything, I need to drink it or I can't give an opinion. Yes, true, I could spit out the wine. OR YOU COULD ORGANISE TRANSPORT.
9. You're invited... for R300 bucks.
The amount of times I get "invites" asking to attend an event, give it exposure beforehand, then write about it afterwards - but I have to pay to attend, is frightening. Firstly, don't call it an invite. It's not. You don't invite someone to pay. Secondly, you're asking me to PAY YOU, to work FOR YOU. And if I say that unfortunately I will not be able to attend, don't keep asking why. But you know what? I hate you.
I am sure there are more of these. If you have any to add, let me know...
10. Kayu Lee
This is an adaptation of point 1. Oh, good start, you tried to get my name in the email. But I have been so many variations of Kayli Vee, I am starting to wonder what my name actually is. And what's worse, my name is in my email address. HOW DO YOU GET THAT WRONG?! (Thanks @LeeLipman for the thought)
11. No takesies backsies
"Hey Kayli we would love you to review our brand new Fancy Shmancy Product!" "Cool! I would love to!" "Great! We just want to know what you really think of it! And to have fun!" "You guys are the best!" "And then give it back after a week." "I hate you".
