I am not an attractive girl - a response to Jason Motta.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's official: I am not an attractive girl. How do I know this? Because Jason Motta has listed 17 things that a girl needs to do to be attractive on Thought Catalog, and I barely tick any of the boxes.

This is an attractive girl, not a woman dammit! Don't you use that word!

Jason, you need to get a new job. Because for a guy who must be a ray of bloody sunshine, you deserve to be surrounded by people just as perfect (and emotionless) as you. And if a woman, I mean girl, even dares to have a bad day, I hope you kick her ass to the curb with all your might. 

This point is actually a valid one, Jase. Well done! But the thing you don't seem to understand, is that maybe, just maybe, it isn't all about you. I know right, who am I to say that!? Maybe we're unhappy about a particular body part for ourselves. But hell, we sure shouldn't let you know about our feelings and insecurities, lest we forget #1.

Is you complaining that women shouldn't complain considered attractive?

Screw the weather! Screw style! Screw a sense of identity! WE DRESS FOR MEN! When Jason wants dresses, what do we give him? DRESSES! And why do we do it? Because all we want is to be ogled at by men, in the way they're "meant" to look at women! Plus it's super important to remind men why they love us - for our bodies! 

Thanks for reiterating just how important it is that our lives should revolve around men, I'd forgotten. I'd also forgotten how important it is to try and impress men, so that they maybe consider impressing me. Next time I'm late for a date, because I have a meeting or something (haha, what woman would have an important meeting?), I'll say it's all about the makeup so I come across real good.

I'm with you on this one. Just one thing: is it considered kind, or not, to write a list of 17 superficial and sexist things that make men attractive? Asking for a friend.

Those girls, you know, the ones who have sex. Aren't they just revolting? I mean, sure Jason, you can go ahead and enjoy as much of sideways tango that your heart desires, but us girls should keep our legs closed and wait for a stand-up guy like you. And if not, we should totally be ashamed of ourselves, because our sexuality is not something we should express or enjoy.

I've decided (see, not indecisive and annoying) to throw out all my old clothing and buy a whole bunch of pink stuff. And sparkly stuff too. Because feminine. Also J-dogg, you say that in a relationship "no one is 'better' than the other", but you obviously think you're much better than most women. So how many women have you actually been with? I'm not even going to get started on the compliment/complement situation, Freudian slip maybe?

Let me get this straight, it's bad if we enjoy sex, but it's also bad if we try and take it slow? So, we should be having lots and lots of sex, and also be really good at it, but only with you? And the only reason you'll commit to a relationship is if we promise lots of sex? But then after a while you're going to stop lusting after us anyway? Sorry for all the questions, I just want to get this right.

It's very kind of you to value equality, Jason. You'd be surprised to hear that we can vote now, too! 

I'm glad you mentioned that a potential husband isn't actually interested in my job (and essentially, my interests, my passions and talents). Also, I am super glad that we don't have to discuss his work either, because I probably wouldn't understand it anyway.

Oh look! I tick this box! Hurrah! I'll be certain to have a three-course meal ready every night! Don't lift a finger! Is it a problem that I review restaurants for a living, so I have to eat out a lot? I assume that you wouldn't want to come with? Oh wait, no, it's my job, of course you aren't interested. I'll quit just for you! But wait, then I don't have a job and you don't like that? I am so confused.

To clarify: When we have something bothering us, we mustn't talk about it because it's complaining (#3). But when you do, it is just venting? And when you do vent, we mustn't keep asking about whether everything is ok, because that isn't being kind (#6) it's actually nagging?

Oh wow, I didn't realise this. I am going to stop doing "crazy" things like running races and doing challenges, because I suppose then I will be trying to prove that I am better than you, and you'll think I'm not letting you take the lead (#8) and that isn't kind (#6).

Girls! Stop having fun! It's unattractive! But J-dizzle, when I'm out and I'm (obviously) sober, and you are drunk, are you still attractive?

You are so wise. It must be from all of your experience with women that you know how we love to discuss everything and that we don't understand the sanctity of a relationship. Also, all those embarrassing things that you do, don't embarrass us at all - we love to tell people about them!

I'm so glad you've a happy, sheltered family life. People who don't get on with their parents are childish rebels who don't want a happy family one day. Duh. It also makes complete sense that a girl must understand and get on with your family; but you certainly shouldn't have to understand hers. Quick question, has your mom read your article? I'd love to know what she thought.

When something is wrong, we mustn't talk about it. We can't discuss work. We have to hide any family issues from you. We have to be wild in the bedroom for you, but shouldn't have had too much sex. We mustn't drink. We mustn't have issues with our bodies. We can't complain, but we must listen to you vent. And then we can't ask if you're ok, I mean, nag. But we must still be kind. We can't take the lead, or talk about our relationship. We must keep fit and be happy. All whilst wearing a dress. But we definitely mustn't overthink or take ourselves too seriously.

Jason, ol' buddy, ol' pal, I am clearly not the girl for you.

See the original article here: http://thoughtcatalog.com/jason-motta/2014/07/17-little-things-attractive-girls-do-differently/