Flying isn't always fun

The other day I officially went insane. I even started pulling out my hair - just so I could roll it into little balls that I shoved in my ears, to block the incessant drone I had to live through.

On my flight back to Cape Town there were two people sitting behind me who decided that they were besties. We had been flying for 1 hour and 34 minutes and they didn't keep quiet for more than 8 seconds. They weren't even talking quietly. You'd have thought that they were on opposite sides of the aisle, not 15cm apart.

It doesn’t help that the guy had the most nasal, whiny voice I've ever heard. He made Karen from Will and Grace sound like a gentle nightingale who could serenade you to sleep.



OH yay! She began showing him all her photos from her chef school. “This is the table”… “Oh wow, it’s so shiny”… “This is a chef hat”… “It’s so white!”… “This is me in my chef hat by my table”… “Aww that’s cute”… “This is my… blahhhhh blllaaaaahhhhh bllaaaahahhhhhhhhh. Please make it end.

There should be rules you have to follow when you're on public transport. It would make life so much more pleasant. If I were in charge, which I should be, these would be my rules:

1. Total time you are allowed to talk is as follows:

Why I should be boss.

Therefore Durban -> Cape Town = 120 minutes / 2 = 60 x 0.3 = 18. Or something. 18 miniutes is the longest period of time you should be able to talk without stopping for AT LEAST an 18 minute break. See, it's science?


2. Talking about the following topics are forbidden:

Politics: Especially if you are a 1st year politics student and don’t know what you're talking about.

Religion: ‘Nuff said.

Anything that begins with: Are you sure you don’t mind if I tell you what happens at the end of the book/movie/series? Followed by: Tell me everything.

3. The diagnosis of medical issues:

“Oh my gosh! You’re a doctor? Awesome. Can I just ask you something? I have this weird red splotch on my toe. Actually, why don’t I show you? I’ll just take off my shoe…”

4. ­The Love Doctor:

I don’t care that he has such beautiful brown eyes and that he didn’t MEAN to cheat on you because he does love you deep, deep down. Pffft. And no, I also don’t really want to hear about what you did for your two week anniversary. And as lovely as they might just be, your pet names for one another just aren’t all that interesting.

The squeaky guy really did give the girl a full synopsis of each Harry Potter book. He also told her how the books differed from the movies. And gave what HE thought each ending should have been.

It really happened.