I am not an attractive girl - a response to Jason Motta.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's official: I am not an attractive girl. How do I know this? Because Jason Motta has listed 17 things that a girl needs to do to be attractive on Thought Catalog, and I barely tick any of the boxes.

This is an attractive girl, not a woman dammit! Don't you use that word!

The First Kiss

In response to The First Kiss:

KayliVee films brings you... 

The First Kiss (how they actually go)

Review of The Oscars 2014

Here we go! My insightful, thorough and considered views of the 86th Annual Academy Awards.


1. Lots of movies won Oscars!

2. Lots of actors and actresses won Oscars!

3. Leonardo Dicaprio was not one of them.

4. Leo is sad.

5. A movie about slaves made all the white people hate being white.

Dear Internet, this is why you suck.

1. Happy birthday dear... me?
If it is someone's birthday, why are you posting photos of yourself with them? Why can't it just be a nice photo of them? Are you reminding them that you are their friend? Please make me understand.

***

"Why do guys always stop me in the street to tell me that I'm pretty? It's so creepy!"

2. Tell me more.

Tell me more about how everyone loves you. Tell me more. 

Things I learnt in 12 hours on Tinder.

Tinder is a mobile dating app that uses geolocation to show you other Tinder-users in your area. You pick the gender, the age bracket and the scope of the area up to 160km away. It links to your Facebook so you see your mutual friends, a few Facebook photos and your shared interests. With a simple swipe to the left, you say, "no no no" to the potential marriage material. And a swipe right means you would. You ONLY find out if someone is interested in you, if you were also interested in them. Pretty cool.

Some things I learnt in 12 hours on Tinder.

1. Yelling out "shan't!" every time you say nope to someone will eventually piss off your flatmate.

2. Tinder makes you really fussy.

A whole bunch of no.

I made a meme.

It's taken me 25 years to make a meme. And now I have. And I am oh so happy with it. I am going to print it out and carry it around with me. Just in case someone asks me to do something I don't want to do. For example...

"You've been neknominated!"

New Year Resolutions that EVERYONE should be doing

1. Don't be a dick.

2. Thank people when they let you in front of them in traffic.

3. Don't be an asshole.

4. Stop throwing shit out your car window.

5. Don't be a bitch.

6. Refill the water jug in your fridge.

7. Don't be a cow.

Unless you're this cute, smily cow

8. Stop telling people what to eat and what not to eat.

9. Don't be an idiot.

10. Remember that you're alive. Live. 

It's a girl thing

There are certain things in life that guys just don't understand. Things they will never experience the utter joy of. Sorry guys, this ain't for you. Girls, let me know if you can think of any others.


1. An obvious one, whipping your bra off after a long day. In the morning a bra makes you feel like you have the perk of an 18 year old, by the afternoon it's a chastity belt from hell.

BE FREE BOOBIES! BE FREE!

Top 10 Reasons Why Miley Cyrus Should Matter To You

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Too young for you, bro.

If she didn’t use Encarta for school projects, she’s too young for you, bro.

Procrastination Friday #3

1. Freaky Friday

These 12 Absolutely Terrifying 2 Sentence Horror Stories are quite something. Numbers 1,3,4,7,8 freak me out. Yoh.

Friday Procrastination #2

And here we are again for another installment of Procrastination Friday.

And: GO

1. Grumpy Cat Smiles.

Nuff said.

Ooops, your pen!s is showing.

Tattoos. We’ve all seen amazing ones. We’ve all seen hideous ones. I can kinda understand when someone gets a tattoo of a fairy on their lower back, thinking it is just grand. And then obviously lives to regret it. My theory is that they had an idea in their mind of this stunning, whimsical design, which turned out to be just an average trampstamp. What I don’t understand is this:

The Penis Tattoo

Friday Procrastination #1

Friday. Also known as, "I-can-do-this-work-on-Monday" day. My favourite day of the week. My very favourite day to procrastinate on. So, here is some procrastination for you.

My top 5 procrastinations under 30 seconds.

1. The bulldog who is scared of his own farts.

Ode to the Spambot

Ode to the Spambot 

by Kayli Vee Levitan 

O Spambot, on thine Twitter’s T.L, 

Ye stem from countries far and wide; 

From China, Mexico, and Kazakhstan thy dwell, 

With haste thou breaketh down thine pride. 

How not to be an asshole blogger that everyone hates

Dear bloggers of the world,

You guys are all important. Why? Because you inform opinions, change perceptions, and can actually make a real difference to people, clients, brands, AND THE WORLD! *cue applause*

This is a huge responsibility. But some just don’t take it seriously. And you know what that means? Since we are all (sadly) squashed under one general title – you make us ALL look bad.

So…

Ya, I'm alive.

I haven't written in months and it's not because I forgot to, it's because shit has been buckwild.

Like, completely buckwild. Not "Oh deary me, look how busy I am as I visit friends and go to clubs and study a little and stuff", but completely and utterly crazy. Ie. Buckwild.

A lot has happened. Here is a list.

A LIST OF THING THAT HAVE HAPPENED:

Flying isn't always fun

The other day I officially went insane. I even started pulling out my hair - just so I could roll it into little balls that I shoved in my ears, to block the incessant drone I had to live through.

On my flight back to Cape Town there were two people sitting behind me who decided that they were besties. We had been flying for 1 hour and 34 minutes and they didn't keep quiet for more than 8 seconds. They weren't even talking quietly. You'd have thought that they were on opposite sides of the aisle, not 15cm apart.

It doesn’t help that the guy had the most nasal, whiny voice I've ever heard. He made Karen from Will and Grace sound like a gentle nightingale who could serenade you to sleep.

The Airport

So I'm sitting at the airport waiting for my flight to board to go see my family in Durban. There is something truly great about airports and as I sit here, watching people meander around, I begin to wonder if I could get away with taking pictures of them. That “CLIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCKKKK” whenever I try take my stalker shots results in awkward stares and could lead to a lawsuit one day.

Airports are a hub of emotion. A place where all stereotypes of society come together. There is always that couple standing right at the entrance to the departures lounge. They embrace one another, no not embrace, they are trying with all their might to push themselves so closely together that they become one mangled human being - with four limbs, two heads, but awwwww, one heart. Vomit. They are so repulsively slobbering in each other’s faces, that I have the urge to close the eyes of the stranger child standing in the queue behind me.