The nice humans at HQ have given me tickets for comedy and a three course dinner for 2. Give them a round of applause.
So here's the story, to enter do the following:
1. Follow @kaylivee on twitter
2. Follow @HQcapetown on twitter
3. Tweet the following:
Hey @kaylivee I would love to win me some steak, chips, drinks and laughs with you and @HQcapetown http://bit.ly/18Iuqb5
FOR AN EXTRA ENTRY:
Comment here with a joke. I like jokes.
Okidokes, that's all.
Smooches.
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril.
ReplyDeleteHe mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well."
The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
@youhatelooon
DeleteWhat kind of murderer has moral fiber?
ReplyDeleteA cereal killer.
BOOYAH. Nailed it.
(@thejollyjammer)
What's the Internet's favourite animal?
ReplyDeleteThe lynx.
Waaah waaah.
Q: How can you tell that a blonde's been baking chocolate chip cookies?
ReplyDeleteA: There's M&M shells all over the floor.
Twitter: @AlexBlair
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Ferrarri?
ReplyDeletePorcupines have pricks on the outside...
What does a nosy pepper do?
ReplyDeleteGet jalapeno buisness
@Sarah_Matthes
What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.
ReplyDeleteThere's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
ReplyDeleteMonty Python - Funniest Joke in the world.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBYZiiSXj6w
I win! (please tell me I win?! :) )
There's a knock at the door in the convent, "Who is it?" says the nun ..... "its the blind man" comes the reply. The nun decides she wont need a towel and opens the door to the blind man.
ReplyDeleteBlind man says, "Nice tits love. Where do you want me to hang these blinds?"
(1) Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?
ReplyDeleteBecause he has noBODY to go with.
(2) You wanna know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin
A burger joke.....
ReplyDeleteQ. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.
A woman invited some people to dinner.
ReplyDeleteAt the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?" she said.
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear mommy say," the woman answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?".
A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were EXTREMLY mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
ReplyDeleteThe boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak
with her boys. The clergyman agreed, and asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy
made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice some more and
shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed. "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove
into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him
in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in big trouble this time! God is missing and they think we did it!".
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
ReplyDeleteAfter sitting for a while a rather shady character sidles up to him and asks if he is a betting man. The guy nods and follows the shady character around the corner where he sees 2 pieces of beef nailed to the ceiling. "1000 dollars if you can jump and get the beef." says the shady character.
"Nah, " says the guy "them steaks are too high".
@pimrie
Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
ReplyDeleteA: It let out a little wine!
A little wine joke just for you, Kayli! :D
Twitter: @TishCharles
A young man is sitting in a taxi when he receives a text message from his girl friend asking:“Sex tonight?”He quickly types: "Yes!"Then a thief sticks his hand into the taxi and snatches the phone from the young man. Young man gets out of the car and runs after the thief shouting: "press send! press send!!!!
ReplyDelete@nitapita777
Two nuts are walking down the street.
ReplyDeleteOne was assaulted..
Oh my that was baaaad ;)
@KwaziForce
Man kom laat van die bar af en sy vrou le en slaap al,hy druk 2 kopseer pille in ha mond,sy word wakker en vra hom hoekom hy dit gedoen het sy het nie kopseer nie,en hy se vir haar dus net wat hy wou gehoor het....
ReplyDeletewww.twitter.com/PierreSwart1
What do you call a cob of corn swinging on a wrecking ball? Mielie Cyrus. ;)
ReplyDelete@MissToffoli
A man was sitting in a bar drinking a beer and watching the rugby when the barman asked why he was there by himself.
ReplyDeleteHe replied "Well, it's my wife's birthday and she has been reading a lot of 50 Shades of Grey recently. I got home this afternoon and she pulled me into the bedroom, stripped herself naked and told me to tie her to the bed, which I did. She then told me to blindfold her, which I did. Then she told me to do whatever I liked, so here I am."
Worst jokes ever... http://www.memestache.com/lists/459/The-15-Worst-Jokes-Ever-Told/1
ReplyDelete