HOW NOT TO BE AN ASSHOLE PR AGENCY THAT EVERYONE HATES
1. Dear Blogger.
Weird story, my name isn't blogger, media, press or guest! So, if you can't take the bloody time to write my bloody name, or GASP, get bloody database software to do it for you - then I seriously don't have the time to read your bloody email.2. Hey, hey hey hey! I have a press release for you! Hey hey hey!!!
Well hello there, Sparky. Yes, I have seen your press release. All 539 of them that you've spammed me with in the last week. And yes, while they may "be ready for immediate release" - guess what, I don't wanna. And guess what else? You can't make me. So stop asking, and send some real content please, or everyone will hate you.
3. The "no-release" sulker.
The only thing worse than getting a million press releases is being questioned on why you don't post them. Seriously? Everyone hates you.
4. We had a party, you weren't invited.
"Hey there, last week we had the launch party of Very Fancy Brand, at Very Fancy Venue, and all these Very Fancy People were there. But we didn't invite you. However, please write about it!". I hate you.
5. Have this. Now write.
There isn't much more I love (pronounced: hate) more than snide emails about not reviewing a product that I've been sent. Unless previously discussed, how could it make any sense to think that sending a R20 bottle of wine would ensure a review? Really? Does that bottle go towards my rent? Will it pay the bills? No. Will it take up space where something else better, and more interesting could be? Yes. So no.
6. We promise it is great, we promise.
On the other hand, I've been sent reviews of products and asked to post them as if they were mine. All you're saying is that my opinion is obviously of no interest to you, and you really don't care about my integrity. I don't even have words to explain the hate.
7. Expo$ure.
"Hi there, we would like a review, blogpost, banner ads, tweets, and Facebook posts. We'll pay you in exposure on the brands page". LOL! LOLOLOLOL! When you start off, exposure is cool - it's a foot in the door. Don't ask someone who has been blogging for years to work that hard for exposure. Pah-lease.
8. Drink and Drive.
"We're having a big wine tasting party. We want you to come. However, it is really far away and you can't bring a partner to convince to be the designated driver and we aren't organising transport." There is so much wrong with this. Firstly, I don't have a big company to pay my petrol for me. I can't afford to cab all the way there. If you want me to taste everything, I need to drink it or I can't give an opinion. Yes, true, I could spit out the wine. OR YOU COULD ORGANISE TRANSPORT.
9. You're invited... for R300 bucks.
The amount of times I get "invites" asking to attend an event, give it exposure beforehand, then write about it afterwards - but I have to pay to attend, is frightening. Firstly, don't call it an invite. It's not. You don't invite someone to pay. Secondly, you're asking me to PAY YOU, to work FOR YOU. And if I say that unfortunately I will not be able to attend, don't keep asking why. But you know what? I hate you.
I am sure there are more of these. If you have any to add, let me know...
10. Kayu Lee
This is an adaptation of point 1. Oh, good start, you tried to get my name in the email. But I have been so many variations of Kayli Vee, I am starting to wonder what my name actually is. And what's worse, my name is in my email address. HOW DO YOU GET THAT WRONG?! (Thanks @LeeLipman for the thought)
11. No takesies backsies
"Hey Kayli we would love you to review our brand new Fancy Shmancy Product!" "Cool! I would love to!" "Great! We just want to know what you really think of it! And to have fun!" "You guys are the best!" "And then give it back after a week." "I hate you".
Number 8 is a big one for me. Who cares how many people you kill after driving home after drinking all our 54% proof vodka. Come and party with us and to hell with the consequences. Also, number 2. Too many press releases with no strategy behind it and too many bloggers who publish said press releases giving PR agencies the idea that it works. Also, giving a product to review using your time, electricity and ingredients and you have to give it back afterwards. WTF?? So what does the blogger actually get out of the deal. Ja, that is my 2 cents. Thx for a great post (as always). xx
ReplyDeleteOMG! Number 2! MY WORST. They mark them as !!!RED AND URGENT AND IMPORTANT!!! I shit you not, I got an email marked 'urgent' to tell me that a certain movie had been released on DVD and Blu Ray. Like every other movie in the history of hollywood, movie-making and the world. It's not news. It's not interesting. It's not important and it CERTAINLY is not urgent.
ReplyDeleteThen they PHONE to ask why you didn't publish the press release. The PHONE and interrupt my busy busy day to ask me why I didn't waste my time doing something I'm not paid to do. And thus waste more time.
Can you tell you struck a nerve here?
Sending a branded giftbag with nothing in it but a printed press release and a boring, plain USB stick (with the same press release) and expecting me to blog about your press release. That kind of press pack doesn't even qualify for an Twitpic, let alone an Instagram.
ReplyDeleteHilarious & true!
ReplyDeleteGood information, I will be going to to anyone with greater regularity.
ReplyDeleteToronto PR Agency & Lifestyle PR
My other favourite- oh, you moved jobs and we can't be bothered to deliver our blogger drop to your new delivery address, so we'll just keep sending it to your old job and then mail you a kajillion times to find out why you haven't posted about it yet.
ReplyDelete