I'm glad that I'm not a stripper - The Pole Project

I’m really glad that I am not a stripper.

Not because of what they do.

Not because I think lowly of them.

Not because of anything moral or judgemental.

Just because I am really, really, reallllly bad at it.

As I explained here (click click) I recently started pole dancing classes with the INCREDIBLE Kathy Lee who founded The Pole Project. Kath makes is look so flipping easy, each time she shows the class a move I’m all like, “Yeah buddy, I can do that with my eyes closed”.

In short: I can’t.

Pole Dancing is hard. Seriously hard. While Kath flips around as if she's allergic to gravity, I'm busy shooting to the floor in fit of legs arms, contorted expressions with a a bit of casual shrieking. I even got me some war wounds to prove that I am taking it seriously (or that I am good at falling on the floor).

You don't dance in takkies, this was the next day.
Takkies ain't sexay

All of that said, it’s so much fun and great exercise for the whole bod, including muscles you didn’t know you had. At each class you learn a few news moves, and them combine them into a routine. I wouldn't say that I am a natural, but at each class you do feel more and more confident - both in yourself and in your abilities. My arms are a bit (read: very) weak, but I hear from the other girls that they get stronger really quickly and as you get used to the moves it all feels a bit more natural. 

Starting this Wednesday (5th may) the beginner's class is being split into beginner and beginner plus, for those who have had a month or so of experience and want to step it up a level. So it is really a good time to get involved. To see the class schedule, clicky click here! You can also sign up for a free trial class on that page, to try it out and see if it works for you.

So I'm going to carry on trying and failing and learning and failing and trying and learning some more. I am no natural, and I don't really ever see myself effortlessly and gracefully moving like Kath can, but look what I have learnt to do! 

It's harder than it looks. 

Follow them on Twitter: @ThePoleProject

On Facebook: The Pole Project 
And hopefully see you at a class soon!

The Pole Project: time to let loose

The truth is, a small part of me will always be disappointed that I've never had the chance to whip my hair back and forth on a bar like one of the Coyote Ugly girls. I watched Striptease with one eye open, half anxious my parents would walk in, half desperate to jump up on a pole and give it a whirl.

That said, I certainly don't have moves like Jagger. It takes a good few gin and tonics to get me on a dancefloor, especially if people are watching, or heaven forbid, JUDGING me.

It was a combination of absolute panic, peer pressure and sheer fascination that resulted in me gravitating towards a big pole dancing pole at The Women's Lifestyle expo this weekend. I think it was the six cups of coffee I drank before 10am that got me to actually take the pole for a spin. And this is how it went down:

Not sexy

All I can say is that I'm not a natural. I felt like I was learning how to drive again, I just couldn't get it. BUT I AM NOT GOING TO LET THAT DAMN POLE GET THE BETTER OF ME, DAMMIT!

Pretty, pretty pictures (Samsung S4 Zoom Review)

No matter where I am, whenever I whip out this bad boy someone comes over to ask what it is. Not just a great conversation starter, the Samsung S4 Zoom is a phone and camera in one.

Hey Big Boy

I am an iPhone girl through and through, so swapping over to use this as a phone was quite intimidating. On said iPhone, my OCD-self has put all my apps and programs neatly in little folders, everything simple and straightforward. The Samsung had me nervously swiping through the screens, looking at all the pre-installed apps with fear in my heart.

Once I manned up, yoh, this phone is pretty damn awesome. The great big, high-quality screen made my iPhone look puny and old. Mr. Zoom has all the functionality of the S4, but with a 16MP camera and 10X optical zoom, plus some pretty flipping insane in-camera editing. Check here for a full list of features.

The Zoom:

This is to show you just how close in you can actually get. It's a little creepy stalker.

No zoom. This is where I was standing.

10x Zoom: Oh look, kayakers.

10x more Zoom: pixilated but OH HEY!

A billion Zooms: Come at me bro.

 Crazy ass macro:

Wanna get close up and personal? You can. Very close up.

Yeah, that's an itty bitty fingerprint.

Night + Motion:

This one is always a toughy AND I didn't use a flash.

In-Camera editor:

Spot the difference. This is the same photo, not cropped, the light was edited out.

Prettiness:

Views and stuff. Unedited. Great detail.

10x Zoom from in the bedroom, out the balcony and through the trees

 Food glorious food:

Also unedited. It helps that the food was stunning to begin with.

Food in the dark:

Not as great in the dark, which makes me sad.

There is no way around it, the Samsung S4 Zoom is big and chunky. It isn't particularly light and you can feel it knocking around your handbag. I still use my iPhone as my day-to-day phone, but when I am at events, do reviews or am out somewhere where I know I need great pics, I take the Zoom. At around R7000 for a phone and on-the-go camera in one, it is quite a deal.

Women's Lifestyle Expo (Competition closed)

I love an expo. A whole bunch of stuff in one place without having to go from store to store guessing who sells what. PLUS, you find things that you don't even realise that you need!

So what better a place than this definitely need-shopping, than The Women’s Lifestyle Expo? From 18 – 20 April 2014 at the V&A Waterfront’s, The Lookout, expect to be preened, pampered, spoilt and pleased. "This luxury lifestyle event is where every aspect of the super mom, career girl, domestic goddess, and fashionista in you can be validated and celebrated" say organisers. 

They promise bubbly and oysters, express manicures, stunning beauty products, and advice from fashion to career to lifestyle, from over 100 curated exhibitors showcasing their brands

 Some of the exhibitors are... drum roll please...

• Rhebokskloof - champagne, wine and oyster bar sponsors

• Jo Carlin - designer

• Lisa King - shoes

• Landy Walker - designer

• Poppy Divine – loungewear and sleepwear

• Pam Golding Properties

• Otto de Jager weddings

• Palazzo Baths  

• EWGA - Executive Women's Golf Association

• Sarah Lambourne Art

• Claudine - tarot card reader / Feng Shui

• Miyu Homeware

• Adventure Bootcamp

• Life Activation

• Bodytec

• En masse - massage

• Sprayology - tans

• Eye Candy - eyebrow and nail bar

• Dee Miros - Raw food 

• Fake Bake

• Sleep in Rollers

• Lip Voltage

• Yoga Life

• Aden and Anais 

• Bo Baby

• Tim Noakes  - Real Meal Revolution

• Larry Soffer - Mentalist

COMPETITION TIME!

Who wants a DOUBLE ticket to the Women's Lifestyle Expo worth around R250?

Each of the following is an entry. You can enter as many times as you like!

1. Tweet the following, "Hey @KayliVee I NEED tickets to @WomensExpoSA because...FILL IN YOUR REASON HERE! http://bit.ly/1sv0Xyx"

2. Follow @KayliVee on Twitter

3. Follow @WomensExpoSA

4. Like GypsyFeet on Facebook and share the post on the page!

5. Like Women's Lifestyle Expo on Facebook.

6. And for the last entry or if you don't use social media - GASP - then comment on this page with why you need a ticket. 

Smooches.

T&Cs:
- Winner in Cape Town only

Step Out of Line

Opportunities.

Some people expect them to just come their way. And if they don’t happen, well, it wasn’t meant to be. If that’s the way you feel, then fine. As long as you’re dealing with it quietly. But then you get the other kind of expectant people. The ones who expect opportunity to give them a lap dance to let them know it's there. They're the ones who whine and complain and then expect some more.

As much as we may want it, opportunities do not come along, dancing and waving their little opportunity arms around, asking to be taken. Opportunities lurk where you don’t expect them, hiding in the corners, pretending to be out of your reach. But the thing is, they’re there.

You just need to track them down, grab them, get them in a headlock, and never let go.

I didn't grow up in a particularly wealthy family. My parents tried to give me what I wanted, but I could tell it wasn’t easy for them. So, when I turned 14 I decided to get a job. My mom is a caterer, and using my experience in her kitchen, I convinced a restaurant to hire me as a waitress, because I was very good at explaining types of food to people. What started out as a holiday job, turned into nearly four years of waitressing, training, managing and learning.

Fast forward.

Varsity. Needed cash for tequila. Oh, and petrol and stuff. So, I got a promo job. My many years of waitressing taught me how to talk to anyone and up-sell pretty much anything. Promos went well, but I wasn’t keen on the outfits. So, I upsold myself and ended up running the Cape Town branch of this Joburg-based promo company - sourcing staff, doing all their training, and overseeing events.

Fast forward.

First day on Twitter, I notice a little blog called Foodblog Cape Town, which had about 700 followers on Twitter and 300 on Facebook. I sent them an email, “ HI TEAM, PLEASE CAN I WORK FOR YOU FOR FREEEEEE? YOU DON’T HAVE TO PAY ME, I JUST WANT TO HELP”. After joining the team (not a team, just one lovely guy named Marvin) it took us two years to find ourselves, with plenty of money spent along the way to make it happen. Three years later and now we’ve gone national, with nearly 45,000 followers.

I work my ass off. My day job is in advertising. My night job: Foodblog(s), freelance writing, and my personal blog. I never sleep. But I take every single opportunity I can get my hands on. And when I don’t find one, I look for it. Sometimes I fail. Actually, often I do. But who cares, at least I tried. (This doesn’t include bike riding, which I tried once and immediately gave up).

The other day I did a call for writers for Foodblog Durban and Joburg. I got HUNDREDS of replies. But what I explained to each applicant, was that they would have to pay for their first few reviews, because I couldn't take the chance of organising them a meal with no proof of their competency. Just like I did all those years ago.

And guess what? Of the HUNDREDS of applicants, THREE agreed to buy their own meal. THREE. Really? Seriously? I was literally dressed up as an opportunity, dancing and waving my little opportunity arms around, asking to be taken. There was no passion, no desire, no excitement to be a part of something – just expectancy.

People aren’t willing to take a chance. To lose. To fail. And sadly, even to try.

Being a part of this Citroen campaign, to see who “steps out of line” most on Twitter, has been very interesting for me. Not because of the things I’ve read or seen, but because it’s actually taught me a lot about myself.

I’ve been stepping out of line since I was a little girl. And I dare you to do the same, too.

I have a drug problem

And what I mean by that, is that I have a problem with drugs. A big one.

I’ve recently started working on a project that brings me into contact with a lot of homeless people. These people who I'd cross the road to avoid as I walked from my car to my office, people who I'd change lanes to dodge, people I'd ignore if they rang my bell – these people have suddenly become, well, people to me.

In working with them, I’ve heard their stories. And the stories they tell are richer, for lack of a better word, than those of many a published author. Life on the street is terrifying, and for most of them it was drugs that got them there.

Take Ryan*, estranged from his family after he lied to them, stole their money, sold their belongings to buy drugs and pay off drug debt. He’s been clean now for 6 months, but they want nothing to do with him. Or Wynand*, the ex-model who lost everything when coke became his everything. There’s also Sheila* and Carl*, a track marked couple, who want to go to rehab, but can’t afford it. And since Carl broke his leg and can't work, they've used up what they had saved.

Then there are the euphoric, but depressed crack-heads; a woman on mandrax trying to give you her baby; prostitutes so high on tik they can’t string a sentence together; the old men and women with minds whittled away to nothing by years of abuse.

Some of them were born into it. Addicted from birth, they stood no chance. I met a woman with a baby so stoned, he couldn’t open his eyes – just a limp mound on her back. But I'll say it again, for many, it was drugs that got them on the street in the first place.

Drugs mess people up. But still, every weekend, girls whip on their high-waisted bum shorts and lumo tops, and boys flex their muscles in their low-cut vests, and together they pop some MDMA or shnaff some coke because #YOLO.

I’m not going to tip-toe around this. Doing drugs is fucking stupid. Fucking irresponsible and fucking stupid. One bad buy and you end up with something that isn’t just the usual stuff from your dealer. You could be the next Ryan or Waynand or Sheila or Carl, or any one of the 7000 homeless people sleeping on our city’s street. 

And if someone has a problem with me calling them fucking stupid and fucking irresponsible, well honestly, it's not me who has the problem.

Add your voice to the "I have a drug problem" campaign, by sharing your opinion or a story about how drug abuse affects your life in Cape Town on Twitter, with the hashtag #ihaveadrugproblem. 

If you or someone you know needs help with substance abuse, phone the free 24hour helpline 

on 0800 435 748. For more info on the City of Cape Town Substance Abuse Campaign, click here.

*names have been changed.

The First Kiss

In response to The First Kiss:

KayliVee films brings you... 

The First Kiss (how they actually go)

Review of The Oscars 2014

Here we go! My insightful, thorough and considered views of the 86th Annual Academy Awards.


1. Lots of movies won Oscars!

2. Lots of actors and actresses won Oscars!

3. Leonardo Dicaprio was not one of them.

4. Leo is sad.

5. A movie about slaves made all the white people hate being white.

A stolen day.

For those of you who don’t know, my darling dad passed away suddenly on the 30^th of August 2013, after a very simple procedure went wrong. 

Anyway, back to today.

I feel robbed.

I had an idea in my mind that after six months I would have great perspective of some sort. Six months. It felt momentous, poignant. It felt like a milestone that if I could reach, I’d be ok.

But I’m not getting my six months, because dearest February doesn’t have a 30^th.

Dear Internet, this is why you suck.

1. Happy birthday dear... me?
If it is someone's birthday, why are you posting photos of yourself with them? Why can't it just be a nice photo of them? Are you reminding them that you are their friend? Please make me understand.

***

"Why do guys always stop me in the street to tell me that I'm pretty? It's so creepy!"

2. Tell me more.

Tell me more about how everyone loves you. Tell me more. 

76kgs of unhappiness.

FYI: I am not being paid for this. I am not receiving free things. I even had to give the watch back after I reviewed it. I am writing this from the heart of a human, not an asshole blogger.

I've never been a very big person. But because I am 1,73 with quite broad shoulders and hips that don't lie, I've also never been tiny. Three years ago I started writing restaurant reviews, and since then I've steadily put on kg on top of kg. 15 of them to be exact.

“I would rather eat what I want than die skinny” - I've always said. And it’s true. But when I was honest with myself, I wasn’t happy. Three quarters of my cupboard didn’t fit anymore. I started only wearing baggy tops, pretending that it was just my new style. I've tried to find some photos to explain the change - but I can't. I hid in my clothes and didn't take many photos. But still, I've been lying to myself and pretending that I was fine with it. "I don't wear bikinis because I'm too old for them". Yeah, sure Kayli.

Things I learnt in 12 hours on Tinder.

Tinder is a mobile dating app that uses geolocation to show you other Tinder-users in your area. You pick the gender, the age bracket and the scope of the area up to 160km away. It links to your Facebook so you see your mutual friends, a few Facebook photos and your shared interests. With a simple swipe to the left, you say, "no no no" to the potential marriage material. And a swipe right means you would. You ONLY find out if someone is interested in you, if you were also interested in them. Pretty cool.

Some things I learnt in 12 hours on Tinder.

1. Yelling out "shan't!" every time you say nope to someone will eventually piss off your flatmate.

2. Tinder makes you really fussy.

A whole bunch of no.

I made a meme.

It's taken me 25 years to make a meme. And now I have. And I am oh so happy with it. I am going to print it out and carry it around with me. Just in case someone asks me to do something I don't want to do. For example...

"You've been neknominated!"

New Year Resolutions that EVERYONE should be doing

1. Don't be a dick.

2. Thank people when they let you in front of them in traffic.

3. Don't be an asshole.

4. Stop throwing shit out your car window.

5. Don't be a bitch.

6. Refill the water jug in your fridge.

7. Don't be a cow.

Unless you're this cute, smily cow

8. Stop telling people what to eat and what not to eat.

9. Don't be an idiot.

10. Remember that you're alive. Live.