Another one of those sad posts

This is another one of those sad posts... Forgive me.

I keep saying that I just can't wait for 2013 to be over. Bring on 2014! Yay! Excitement! A fresh start! Happiness! I've managed to convince myself that a new year will make 2013, and everything that came with it, seem like a thing of the past.

But it won't.

Nepotism: Because I Can.

My sister is an incredible human being. Our whole family has forever and always been involved in the food industry in some way. And she being the odd one out, has always loved baking. So much so that she COMPLETELY SELF-TAUGHT herself how to make these incredible creations, over and above her full catering service.

But they're not just beautiful. They also taste delish, are dairy-free, and she can try accommodate for other allergies.

I am so exceptionally proud of her - so here is my little blog full of nepotism. Sue me.

Please like her page on Facebook and give her a little (lotta) love.

How not to be an asshole PR agency that everyone hates

I recentlyish wrote a post called, "How not to be an asshole blogger that everyone hates" - and quite a few of you felt that it was time that it was said. But now it is time to turn it around. You know what, some bloggers deserve to be taken seriously. Very seriously. Because blogging, whether you like it or not, is a serious profession.

HOW NOT TO BE AN ASSHOLE PR AGENCY THAT EVERYONE HATES

1. Dear Blogger.

Weird story, my name isn't blogger, media, press or guest! So, if you can't take the bloody time to write my bloody name, or GASP, get bloody database software to do it for you - then I seriously don't have the time to read your bloody email.

2. Hey, hey hey hey! I have a press release for you! Hey hey hey!!!

Well hello there, Sparky. Yes, I have seen your press release. All 539 of them that you've spammed me with in the last week. And yes, while they may "be ready for immediate release" - guess what, I don't wanna. And guess what else? You can't make me. So stop asking, and send some real content please, or everyone will hate you.

3. The "no-release" sulker.

The only thing worse than getting a million press releases is being questioned on why you don't post them. Seriously? Everyone hates you.

4. We had a party, you weren't invited.

"Hey there, last week we had the launch party of Very Fancy Brand, at Very Fancy Venue, and all these Very Fancy People were there. But we didn't invite you. However, please write about it!". I hate you. 

5. Have this. Now write.

There isn't much more I love (pronounced: hate) more than snide emails about not reviewing a product that I've been sent. Unless previously discussed, how could it make any sense to think that sending a R20 bottle of wine would ensure a review? Really? Does that bottle go towards my rent? Will it pay the bills? No. Will it take up space where something else better, and more interesting could be? Yes. So no. 

6. We promise it is great, we promise.

On the other hand, I've been sent reviews of products and asked to post them as if they were mine. All you're saying is that my opinion is obviously of no interest to you, and you really don't care about my integrity. I don't even have words to explain the hate.

7. Expo$ure.

"Hi there, we would like a review, blogpost, banner ads, tweets, and Facebook posts. We'll pay you in exposure on the brands page". LOL! LOLOLOLOL! When you start off, exposure is cool - it's a foot in the door. Don't ask someone who has been blogging for years to work that hard for exposure. Pah-lease.

8. Drink and Drive.

"We're having a big wine tasting party. We want you to come. However, it is really far away and you can't bring a partner to convince to be the designated driver and we aren't organising transport." There is so much wrong with this. Firstly, I don't have a big company to pay my petrol for me. I can't afford to cab all the way there. If you want me to taste everything, I need to drink it or I can't give an opinion. Yes, true, I could spit out the wine. OR YOU COULD ORGANISE TRANSPORT.

9. You're invited... for R300 bucks.

The amount of times I get "invites" asking to attend an event, give it exposure beforehand, then write about it afterwards - but I have to pay to attend, is frightening. Firstly, don't call it an invite. It's not. You don't invite someone to pay. Secondly, you're asking me to PAY YOU, to work FOR YOU. And if I say that unfortunately I will not be able to attend, don't keep asking why. But you know what? I hate you.

I am sure there are more of these. If you have any to add, let me know...

10. Kayu Lee

This is an adaptation of point 1. Oh, good start, you tried to get my name in the email. But I have been so many variations of Kayli Vee, I am starting to wonder what my name actually is. And what's worse, my name is in my email address. HOW DO YOU GET THAT WRONG?! (Thanks @LeeLipman for the thought)

11. No takesies backsies

"Hey Kayli we would love you to review our brand new Fancy Shmancy Product!" "Cool! I would love to!" "Great! We just want to know what you really think of it! And to have fun!" "You guys are the best!" "And then give it back after a week." "I hate you". 

Go on, stick your neck out [post and competition]

Sometimes I get invited to weekday events that I have to turn down because of my day-job. Every time it happens, a little part of me jumps up from my desk, and runs crying and screaming out of the window.

But the other day the stars lined up and I was invited to an awesome event the day before my birthday – which also happened to be a Monday. GUESS WHO DECIDED TO TAKE LEAVE?  

Laughs, steak and drinkies for two from HQ [competition]

Ohhhh, I love me some steak. Ohhhhh, I love me some chippies. Ohh, I loooooove me some comedy. And guess what, I have some for you guys!!! Shit son, I'm kind.

The nice humans at HQ have given me tickets for comedy and a three course dinner for 2. Give them a round of applause.

So here's the story, to enter do the following:

1. Follow @kaylivee on twitter
2. Follow @HQcapetown on twitter
3. Tweet the following:

Hey @kaylivee I would love to win me some steak, chips, drinks and laughs with you and @HQcapetown http://bit.ly/18Iuqb5

FOR AN EXTRA ENTRY:

Comment here with a joke. I like jokes.

Okidokes, that's all.

Smooches.

Happily Ever Active - Virgin Active Cinema Ad

Just a little more shameless self-promotion. Have a peek at our new Virgin Active cinema ad, which forms a part of the Happily Ever Active Project.

As always, let me know what you think.

It's a girl thing

There are certain things in life that guys just don't understand. Things they will never experience the utter joy of. Sorry guys, this ain't for you. Girls, let me know if you can think of any others.


1. An obvious one, whipping your bra off after a long day. In the morning a bra makes you feel like you have the perk of an 18 year old, by the afternoon it's a chastity belt from hell.

BE FREE BOOBIES! BE FREE!

Pink Hair Shows You Care

I HAVE PINK HAIR YAY!

Well, not really.

But this very cool campaign by Great Lengths Hair Extensions and their participating hair salons means that I (and my friendies) paid R100 for one pink hair extensions. ALL profits go to the Cancer Association of South Africa (CANSA).

These 100% human hair extensions may not be a natural colour, but they move naturally and feel natural. Once you wash your hair with the extension, it moulds to your hair type! It can last up to three months unless removed earlier.

A Grand Affaire - Sunflower Fund Fundraiser (competition)

The Sunflower Fund was formed in 1999 to help The South African Bone Marrow Registry (SABMR) in their efforts to educate, find donors and save lives.

"Due to the 1:100 000 chance of finding a compatible donor, at least 100 000 donors are needed for a Registry to function effectively and in South Africa, the Registry should ideally have 400 000 donors representative of all ethnic groups."

This year they are having a fabulous fund raiser at The Grand and I have two tickets worth R1300 to give away!

For R650 you'll get welcome drinks, a "floating feast", entertainment from DJ Fresh, Rory Eliot and Ard Matthews. Plus there will be a silent auction and plenty lucky draws on the night. 

Competition

To stand a chance to win two tickets to this event:

1. Follow @KayliVee and @SunflowerFund on Twitter 

2. RT my original tweet about the competition

3. Tweet @KayliVee and @SunflowerFund saying who you'd bring to the event.

If you don't have Twitter, comment on this post saying why you want to go!

Tickets must be collected from Cape Town Central. 

Got my nails did.

I love me a little bit of pampering, but my purse really doesn’t. Spas and “commercial” beauticians charge a fortune I just don’t have. BUT THEN I HEARD ABOUT SHEREEEEEEEN! (Thank you @PrettyMintBlog) Can ya tell that I am excited?

Shereen is fabulous. She is lovely and sweet and professional – but because she works from home she doesn’t have the overheads that force her to charge an arm and a leg. She also honestly just doesn’t want to rip people off.

1 month later.

It's been a month since my dad passed away. And I still seem to be sane. Most of the time at least. It's 11:30pm and I am writing this in bed, counting down the minutes until the exact month. I probably shouldn't. But my brain seems to want me to.

A month. A month without a dad. To be honest, it's pretty shitty. One day I'm ok - at peace with what's happened. The next day (or hour, even) I'm so furious at the world - angry that we are born ultimately to suffer. Things are more the former than the latter, but those times are very, very dark.

In Grey's Anatomy (excuse the reference) George tells Christina that he can't imagine living in a world where his dad doesn't exist. Christina tells him that it never really goes away, then welcomes him to the "Dead Dads Club" - a place that you're never in, until you are in, and that she is sorry that he had to join.

My Darling Dad, I miss you.

Four weeks ago, I tried not to listen as a teenage girl rushed into the ICU and was told that her father had passed away.

I sat cross-legged on the floor of the waiting room, as her cries grew louder and louder. Just the night before I looked over at her as she chatted to her father, and felt a wave of jealousy as my dad lay in a coma.

If you've kept up to date with me on twitter, you'll know bits and pieces of what's gone on in my life over the last month. My dad, aged 70, had a stroke.

Top 10 Reasons Why Miley Cyrus Should Matter To You

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Too young for you, bro.

If she didn’t use Encarta for school projects, she’s too young for you, bro.

Procrastination Friday #3

1. Freaky Friday

These 12 Absolutely Terrifying 2 Sentence Horror Stories are quite something. Numbers 1,3,4,7,8 freak me out. Yoh.

Mandela Day - A Trip to Baphumalele

To celebrate Mandela Day and contribute our 67 minutes towards making the world a better place we spent the after noon at Baphumalele Children's Home in Khayelitsha.

This incredible home was started in the late 80s by Rosie Mashale. Along with a group of other women, she began looking after unsupervised children in Khayelitsha from her home. After just one week 36 children had joined.

Issue-Swap

Issues.

We all have them.

Some of them stem from nature, others from nurture (or the lack thereof). Some we stumble upon as little kids, others kick in as we get older. If you say that you have no issues, I say that I don’t believe you.

Now I don’t know if this little idea will work, but let’s see. It all stemmed from a tweet I wrote last night after giving away a prize on here. “I freaking love giving things away!” followed by “RT to stand a chance to win my issues”.

Competition: Tickets to The Insanity League

Whatever the genre, a night out to the theatre (cue visual of me in long gloves and a sparkly dress) is one of my very favourite things to do.

Computicket have been incredibly lovely and have offered me two tickets for myself and two tickets to give away to their new show, “The Rise of the Insanity League” conceptualised by and starring, Aaron McIlroy, Ben Voss and John van de Ruit (who wrote the Spud books)

But before I get to the competition details, here is a bit more about the show!
 

- The Rise of the Insanity League -

The show has been created as a sketch comedy show like no other, which bounces between both “sheer genius and rank stupidity”.
 

Aaron McIlroy and Ben Voss are joined by John van de Ruit, whose been off the theatre scene for 10 years. While I have found that sketch comedy (a show made up of a series of different scenes) can often be silly, this show promises to be “more than just a random selection of sketches - the team is preparing a comic study on insanity unlike anything ever seen on the stage in South Africa before”.

DOES THAT NOT SOUND MAJESTIC?!

Friday Procrastination #2

And here we are again for another installment of Procrastination Friday.

And: GO

1. Grumpy Cat Smiles.

Nuff said.

Ooops, your pen!s is showing.

Tattoos. We’ve all seen amazing ones. We’ve all seen hideous ones. I can kinda understand when someone gets a tattoo of a fairy on their lower back, thinking it is just grand. And then obviously lives to regret it. My theory is that they had an idea in their mind of this stunning, whimsical design, which turned out to be just an average trampstamp. What I don’t understand is this:

The Penis Tattoo

Friday Procrastination #1

Friday. Also known as, "I-can-do-this-work-on-Monday" day. My favourite day of the week. My very favourite day to procrastinate on. So, here is some procrastination for you.

My top 5 procrastinations under 30 seconds.

1. The bulldog who is scared of his own farts.

Get on my face, sunglasses.

I am very bad at looking after sunglasses.

I will ultimately sit or stand on them, so I have always bought el cheapos. Last year I bought a pair of Vogues from Sunglass Hut and for the first time I actually looked after them for a whole 18 months. When I know something costs more, I tend to be more responsible. Then one "fine" day in Cape Town, the wind blew them straight off my head and they were scratched revoltingly. I was going to take them back (I will get to why later) but then a week later I lost them. *cue wailing*

UNTIL TODAY! WOOT WOOT!

I was very lucky to win a competition from A Fashion Friend and Sunglass Hut. These lovely folks gave me R1000 to spend on a new pair of sunnies!

Why make an ad, when you can make a sexy ad?

Good morning and welcome to another edition of Shameless Self-Promotion! *crowd goes wild*

Working on the new Sissy Boy TV ad for 2013 was an absolute joy.

Sissy Boy have always used the line, "Love Yourself". Their past ad saw Candice Boucher strut through a club towards a hidden stranger. She ultimately leans up against a mirror and kisses her reflection.

The most disappointing birthday present in the world

I am a laat lammetjie. (Fact of the Day: that is pretty much the extent of my pathetic Afrikaans vocabulary, I blame growing up in Durban.) I have 6 nieces, 1 nephew, plus another boy/girl on the way.

The eldest are twin girls born on 25 June 2001. I was 13. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no idea what it is like to have a baby, and I can’t compare the love a mother must feel when she holds her child for the first time. But the first time I held these teeny tiny, wriggling humans, I instantly fell madly in love with them. I remember sitting there, watching their little chests rise and fall, unable to comprehend how it was possible to feel so much for someone you’d known for all of 5 minutes.

Ode to the Spambot

Ode to the Spambot 

by Kayli Vee Levitan 

O Spambot, on thine Twitter’s T.L, 

Ye stem from countries far and wide; 

From China, Mexico, and Kazakhstan thy dwell, 

With haste thou breaketh down thine pride. 

How not to be an asshole blogger that everyone hates

Dear bloggers of the world,

You guys are all important. Why? Because you inform opinions, change perceptions, and can actually make a real difference to people, clients, brands, AND THE WORLD! *cue applause*

This is a huge responsibility. But some just don’t take it seriously. And you know what that means? Since we are all (sadly) squashed under one general title – you make us ALL look bad.

So…

Stop judging. Start helping.

"Thinking Pretty" - Finalist in the SA Writers College Competition

Thinking Pretty

by Kayli Vee Levitan

I want one thing, and one thing alone. That man, sitting across the room.

I’ll admit it. I’ve started dressing differently. Skirt so tight, my thighs haven’t spent this much time squeezed together since I was 22. God, it’s been 16 years. I used a BIC pen to hold together my bun this morning, so I’d have an excuse to take it out, letting my hair gently topple to my shoulders - just like in those shampoo ads. I hope the black ink doesn’t stain my hair; it cost me a new washing machine! He always walks in after I’ve sat down, it’s a pity – I bought “sex shoes”, the kind that Mum wouldn’t be proud of. I had to sneak out of home early this morning so she wouldn’t notice them. I can imagine her 10c coin eyes, shrinking even further, as she judged her only daughter. These shoes look amazing, and I’m getting really good at walking in them.